Op-Ed: Young man, how can I help you?

Being raised in a military household taught me many lessons in life that I feel have made me the man I am today.  During my mid-twenties, with spare time on my hands, I decided to become a mentor through Big Brothers Big Sisters.  This decision would be life changing in more ways than I ever imagined.

Mentoring youth in need is more than a noble cause, but rather an opportunity to provide a young boy or girl with insights and knowledge as they grow up and navigate the world.

 

My mentoring experience partnered me with a 6 year old boy, Chris, with no father figure in his life.  Male relatives were present for Chris, but his mother was seeking something different in his life.  When I met both of them for the first time, I do not believe any of us were ready for the experience.  I was thinking too linearly, the requirements of the program called for certain things and that was my expectation.  Chris’s mother seemed to feel the same way as we would negotiate monthly activities for Chris and me to engage each other.

Our minimum one year agreement went on and I worked tirelessly to connect with Chris.  This work was not new to me because I am a high school teacher, but trying to work with this young of a child definitely was.  He and I would go to the movies, get food, and go bowling among other things.  We carried on this way for months until our one year anniversary.

Reflecting on my time with Chris during our year together raised so many questions and emotions within me.  This is because I did not feel that there was a close bond between the two of us.  You see, Chris was such a quiet child that I had to constantly work to get any type of emotion and communication from him.  His mother would always reach out to me, asking (which sometimes felt like her begging) me to spend time with Chris.  Sometimes I would be eager and willing and others not so much.

 

As I drove to our one year meeting thinking about my thoughts and feelings towards Chris, I tried to rationalize an answer to the inevitable question from our counselor, “Would you like to continue your match with Chris?”

 

NO, I answered aloud, alone in my car.  Hearing myself say this transformed me in that moment.  I thought of my parents and all they had instilled in me.  Never quit until the job is done correctly and satisfactorily.  Hard work and success take time.

Sitting with the counselor, Chris, and his mom, the moment I feared was upon me.  As the words rolled off the counselors lips I felt my heart begin to race.  Never had I been in a situation such as this, with the kid of definition that I felt in this moment.  As I carefully began to craft a response, I looked at Chris and knew that I could not give up on him.  He was a 7 year old boy that had no idea about the world around him and how he needed to act.  He was so unsure of himself and his place that I knew leaving him would create more questions than answers, which was not the right thing to do to a young child.

In the moment I committed to Chris and his mom, I knew that I would be with this child for the rest of his life, if he wanted.  I realized that he would need someone to lean on and talk to.  I knew that all my hard work and efforts would pay off if I stayed true to Chris and shared all the knowledge and passion that I could with him.

Fast forward nine years and Chris is not only in high school, but my high school.  Things have changed which has been difficult on me.  Letting go of the boy I met years ago so that he can become his own man has proven challenging.  I see and speak to him much less than the past, but I am hopeful that the lessons I have shared with him have positively impacted his thought processes and decision making abilities.

I often think about that day in the counselor’s office and if things had gone another way.  I am happy that not only did I commit a little more time to that young boy, but rather a lifetime connection.  I have found great joy and happiness working with Chris and knowing that there are many more children like him makes me hopeful that other can and will step up to make a difference in the life of a child.